broke me. Or something like that. I try not to regret the past and I try to move forward, because looking back brings up pain and anger and hurt that I don’t want to deal with anymore. But everything since you came into my life has shattered and been torn apart, and I wonder why I let you into my heart in the first place. I see the lives of everyone around working out so well, and all of their happiness confuses me. You led me into a tunnel of darkness, and the light you brought to me was fake. And it was foul and dirty, and I feel as though my soul was tainted. And now the relationships of every single person in my life are tainted because my heart is filled with bitterness and insecurity and hatred. How is it that I am still fighting to realize that I have purpose, and you still feign innocence? As if I was never the victim of the cruel and disgusting game you played?
Maybe I’m just trying to cope with the reality of it all. That I was never good enough for some human who made me feel completely insignificant. Because I was never good enough, I used other people to make myself feel better. To make it feel like I was important, when all I wanted was acceptance from the one person who should have accepted me in the first place. Maybe I’m not making any sense, and maybe I’m just having a rough day, but I can’t deny that you have inevitably ruined me.
But then again, it was my fault for believing you were better than the rest.